Jaja, a good friend of mine who used to work in SGV, brought me chicken kiev from The Chocolate Kiss for lunch today. I am happily eating it as I post this blog. Milo is basking in the happiness mommy feels right now at getting the much craved kiev. I was even pining for this pre-Milo! I wish I could post a photo but I've practically devoured the entire serving, haha. Just check the web site for Choco Kiss' house specialties; you'll find it there.
Thanks, Jess, for sending me friends like Jaja. This is my pick-me-up for today, and a perfect way to end the week.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Alone
My burgeoning belly is eliciting unsolicited advice from everyone I know, young and old. Do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that... Here are a few of the most popular ones:
What, you still work? Don't stress too much!
Be sure to save enough for all the baby's needs! Be prepared to spend!
Keep fit! You must exercise!
Don't walk around too much!
Eat what you feel like eating, you can't crave something and not get it!
Watch what you eat, too much of that is bad for the baby!
Your tummy is so small, you should get a check-up!
Your tummy is huge, you should take it easy with food!
Surround yourself with happy things - don't cry, don't stress and don't put yourself in situations that get you down. (This is by far the funniest, most ludicrous of all advice. It is simply not possible in my world.)
I try to take everything in stride, but there are days when I just want to scream at them all -- what do you know?! You are not going through this pregnancy -- I am! Instead of giving me unsolicited advice, why don't you mind your own damn business? I don't need another bone to chew on. I already have a mountain of worries on my shoulders.
The truth is, I have never told anyone how utterly scared, alone and misunderstood I have felt since the beginning of this pregnancy. Well, I had a great counselor until he had to leave for the US. And now, it's back to no one understanding me. I tried to reach out, but explaining proves futile. No one gets it.
I have never said it out loud for fear of drowning in it, but I despair many times... I don't know where to find the strength anymore. I can't even feel bad? I can't be irrational when I'm overwhelmed with my thoughts and emotions? I am scared to death about this entire pregnancy, and of being a mother, and of knowing my future is inescapably tied to this little life I now have inside me. And I can't have moments where I can just let all those emotions out? Why?! Because I have to be happy? Because I have to feel blessed? Why is it that I still "have to"?! Why can't I just be?
I know He will not give me what I cannot handle.
So just let me handle things my way.
What, you still work? Don't stress too much!
Be sure to save enough for all the baby's needs! Be prepared to spend!
Keep fit! You must exercise!
Don't walk around too much!
Eat what you feel like eating, you can't crave something and not get it!
Watch what you eat, too much of that is bad for the baby!
Your tummy is so small, you should get a check-up!
Your tummy is huge, you should take it easy with food!
Surround yourself with happy things - don't cry, don't stress and don't put yourself in situations that get you down. (This is by far the funniest, most ludicrous of all advice. It is simply not possible in my world.)
I try to take everything in stride, but there are days when I just want to scream at them all -- what do you know?! You are not going through this pregnancy -- I am! Instead of giving me unsolicited advice, why don't you mind your own damn business? I don't need another bone to chew on. I already have a mountain of worries on my shoulders.
The truth is, I have never told anyone how utterly scared, alone and misunderstood I have felt since the beginning of this pregnancy. Well, I had a great counselor until he had to leave for the US. And now, it's back to no one understanding me. I tried to reach out, but explaining proves futile. No one gets it.
I have never said it out loud for fear of drowning in it, but I despair many times... I don't know where to find the strength anymore. I can't even feel bad? I can't be irrational when I'm overwhelmed with my thoughts and emotions? I am scared to death about this entire pregnancy, and of being a mother, and of knowing my future is inescapably tied to this little life I now have inside me. And I can't have moments where I can just let all those emotions out? Why?! Because I have to be happy? Because I have to feel blessed? Why is it that I still "have to"?! Why can't I just be?
I know He will not give me what I cannot handle.
So just let me handle things my way.
First letter
My dearest son,
I wake up to find no joy this morning, and undoubtedly you feel it although you can't begin to understand things yet. I just want you to know that I love you, no matter what. Somehow, when I close my eyes and think of that phrase, "I love you", I know you find Truth in it. Know this, too -- despite everything that is happening now, I will never stop loving you.
Please be a bit patient with me, anak. I will try once more to find joy in the morning.
I wake up to find no joy this morning, and undoubtedly you feel it although you can't begin to understand things yet. I just want you to know that I love you, no matter what. Somehow, when I close my eyes and think of that phrase, "I love you", I know you find Truth in it. Know this, too -- despite everything that is happening now, I will never stop loving you.
Please be a bit patient with me, anak. I will try once more to find joy in the morning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)